cupcakes and zombies

because cupcakes are yummy and people aren't. unless you're a zombie.

October 2012 archive

It’s time for a new blog…let’s talk about…hurricanes.

Yep. its about that time. Particularly since I have not much else to do except sit in the dark with my cats. So I’m back at my not so local Panera eating a cookie I’m not even hungry for just so I can feel ok about using their free wi-fi. Edit: this cookie rocks.

You may, or may not know, that we just had a hurricane over here on the East coast. Like a real honest-to-goodness hurricane. There was lots of scary stuff going on. It makes you realize just what you take for granted. Like, for instance. Showering. Showering is awesome. Especially when it is done in the comfort of your own home. Otherwise you have to shower in the shady gym at work, which is much less fun. Trust me. I know. And don’t even get me started about hand-washing. Which is challenging when you don’t have water. And you know how much I love hand-washing.

And then there’s electricity. Judging from the fact that even though I know I don’t have power and I still keep trying to flip the switches on, I take it for granted. Also, it’s damn hard to see by flashlight.

But, our house is ok, my friends and family are fine, and as soon as the power comes back on, it will all be in the past. I know some other folks aren’t as fortunate, so if I have to be a little chilly, lonely and wrinkled for the next few days, who really cares.

So stop taking stuff for granted. Say what you’ve been meaning to say, do what you’ve been meaning to do. Call who you’ve been meaning to call for forever. Heck, poke someone on Facebook if that’s all you have time for. And take a long hot shower the next chance you get. Just don’t take it for granted. Don’t forget, some folks never ever get to do that. So enjoy it.

How to be awesome.

Yep. That’s right, I’m going to tell you how to be awesome. Bet you didn’t know this blog was educational as well as entertaining. But don’t tell anyone else because we can’t have too many awesome people walking around.  Ok, ok, ok.  You can tell one or two people if you really want to, but that’s it!

Step 1: Google  (or use any other search engine of choice) “How to be awesome”. I’m serious. There’s lots of other advice out there and some sites even give you easy to follow steps. Kind of like this. And yes, I was curious and Googled this.

Step 2: Ignore what you just Googled, because most of it is probably absolutely, 100% ridiculous. “Be funny” “Be popular” Be nice” “Be interesting”. DOH! (Insert facepalm here) So THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong?!?!?

Now, stop following the above steps and do this instead. Accept that you can’t be all awesome to everyone, all the time. It would just be too exhausting. You will have your moments of un-awesomeness.  And some people might never think you’re awesome. And it’s totally ok. And trying to be awesome doesn’t work. There’s nothing worse than “fake” awesome. Think of the opposite of awesome and then throw Lady GaGa’s meat dress on it after its been sitting in the sun for a week and that’s how bad I think “fake” awesome is.

But wait-it’s really not all bad news. Get this, being awesome is easy. Be yourself. Sounds too simple, right? But it makes so much sense. Someone, and maybe even lots of someones, are going to think you’re awesome for being you. And I’m pretty sure that’s the sort of people you’d actually want to think  you’re awesome. Right?

I know I do.

Granted, what prompted this “blog of awesomeness” is the fact that I actually did not think I felt awesome today. Nope. Not one bit. I felt pretty damn un-awesome, actually. And for absolutely no reason.  I just didn’t sleep well and that makes everything, including me, less awesome. But it happens sometimes, and that’s ok. It will make being awesome tomorrow that much better.

 

Handwashing competitions…you know you’ve been there.

Ok, so let me get situated here. First of all, this is officially my first blog post. I know, I know, there’s some other posts already here but technically they were pulled from my Facebook page, when I wasn’t “officially” blogging. So bear with me as I figure this thing out. Seems easy enough.

Alright, I’m ready to get started now. So let me set the scene for you. It’s sometime in the middle of the afternoon and I’ve had about 5 eco-friendly reusable plastic cups full of H2O since 8:00 a.m. Plus some coffee. And a tall soy chai (mmmmmmm Starbucks). So I’ve been back and forth to the ladies room about 10 times already today and I’m off for another trip. So on my round-trip back to my desk I stop for the 10th time to wash my hands. It so happens that there is another woman from the other side of the floor getting ready to do the same.

All of a sudden, I’ve been entered into a head-to-head handwashing competition. You know how it starts- you want to put on a good show that you do indeed wash your hands well and thoroughly each trip to the bathroom. And so does she.

So you use some extra soap, and really lather your hands.

She raises the bar by adjusting the temperature just a little warmer.

So you really make sure to soap each finger.

She pulls out the wildcard and rinses, then soaps again.

So you aggressively rub the soap into your hands so it makes soapy noises. Loud soapy noises that she can hear over the sounds of two faucets and her own vigorous hand scrubbing.

And she takes her rings off to really get her hands clean.

So you rinse, and rinse, and rinse, and then inspect your hands to make sure they are clean.

Then you dry them really, really well, with like 5 paper towels.

She turns the water off after you’ve dried your hands and smugly dries hers. Or you assume smugly because the most important rule is that you never EVER make eye contact during the competition.

You fix a stray strand of hair and wipe off a teensy bit of eyeliner with a finger while she finishes drying her hands and pats her hair into place as well. And as she conscientiously uses her paper towel to open the door to leave you soap your hands once more and turn the water on full blast, since you touched your face and all.

SWEET VICTORY IS MINE! MWAHAHAHA. I can imagine her defeat as she can’t very well turn around and start washing again.

Yeah, so, you know you’ve been there. Admit it. And the moral of this story is, don’t challenge me to a handwashing competition. Because I’ve been known to play dirty. See what I did there?

I think I’m going to like blogging. Yep…I think I’m going to like it a lot.

Dear “Glee”

Dear “Glee”: I am done with you and your absolutely ridiculous plot lines and even worse overdramatic theater emo-pop. Were you ever actually good or was I just enamored by the fact that a glee club was being featured as a TV show? I mean, who can forget Kurt’s rendition of “Single Ladies”? Pure entertainment! And yet now, where do I begin? Oh, that’s right, I stopped caring 5 minutes ago. And FYI, having commercials every 3 seconds to cover up the fact that you have no plot does not work. In fact, it irritated me so much I turned it off. That’s right, I, who sat, tormented and tortured through all of “Waterworld” hoping at some point it would either make sense, or perhaps get better, could not sit through the full hour of your show. Oh, wait, make that 23 minutes since the rest was all commercials. And take away 7 minutes for the amount of time the tortured looks the characters gave each other took. Then 3 minutes for the sappy, “I’m alone, but singing to you exactly at the same time and in harmony even though we’re miles away” scenes. And take away 2 minutes for the obligatory “I’m walking down the hall singing but no one sees or hears me” scenes. So where are we? 11 minutes? Yeah, that’s probably just about what I missed turning it off halfway through. 11 minutes of my life that I am now able to enjoy instead. Goodbye Glee, we are never ever ever getting back together. Like, ever.